第3850季【艳平专栏】《雨的四季》写作拓展型文本教育｜眼里有光，心中有爱
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;"><strong style="color: blue;"><span style="color: black;">【艳平专栏】《雨的四季》写作拓展型文本<span style="color: black;">教育</span>｜眼里有光，心中有爱</span></strong></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><img src="https://mmbiz.qpic.cn/mmbiz_png/NhhjibLrq6Q0I4sAIzDTKR2WQdpTPpv6p1c7aoSykRIERmwFLXNsfdOqyy5h0PC4ic4xjlK1pvNial8wJjb81vibIQ/640?wx_fmt=png&from=appmsg&wxfrom=5&wx_lazy=1&wx_co=1&tp=webp" style="width: 50%; margin-bottom: 20px;"></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;"><strong style="color: blue;">【设计说明】</strong></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><img src="https://mmbiz.qpic.cn/mmbiz_png/NhhjibLrq6Q0I4sAIzDTKR2WQdpTPpv6pv8Dhj0Y9zAZdk8mXoDePDzBaqSxicce2FltpbHr15lIQwgxbehCgibZg/640?wx_fmt=png&from=appmsg&wxfrom=5&wx_lazy=1&wx_co=1&tp=webp" style="width: 50%; margin-bottom: 20px;"></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">统编教材七上语文<span style="color: black;">第1</span>单元的单元主题为亲近自然、热爱生活，大自然生生不息，四时景物美<span style="color: black;">不堪</span>收。学习本单元，要<span style="color: black;">注重</span>朗读课文，想象文中描绘的情景，领略景物之美；把握好重音与停连，感受汉语声韵之美。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;">将语文知识与语文情韵相互<span style="color: black;">相关</span></span><span style="color: black;">，</span><span style="color: black;">在务实的朗读训练中领略景物之美</span><span style="color: black;">，</span><span style="color: black;">在务实的<span style="color: black;">办法</span>渗透中书写景物之雅</span><span style="color: black;">。</span><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;">安身</span>单元<span style="color: black;">目的</span></span><span style="color: black;">，</span><span style="color: black;">把握单元走向</span><span style="color: black;">，</span><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;">而后</span>再开启或统整</span><span style="color: black;">，</span><span style="color: black;">或单篇的备课之旅</span><span style="color: black;">。</span></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;">刘湛秋的《雨的四季》<span style="color: black;">位置于</span>《春》《济南的冬天》之后，属于加“*”的自读课文，自读的含义是以学生自我阅读为主，</span><span style="color: black;">可</span><span style="color: black;">运用《春》与《济南的冬天》学到的知识进行迁移</span><span style="color: black;">，</span><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;">或</span><span style="color: black;">亦</span>能说</span><span style="color: black;">是对前面两课学习成果的检验。<span style="color: black;">怎样</span>定位《雨的四季》呢？</span></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;">将<span style="color: black;">每一个</span>单元的写作训练与单元内文本相链接</span><span style="color: black;">，</span><span style="color: black;">以文本为例子训练写作</span><span style="color: black;">，</span><span style="color: black;">合二为一</span><span style="color: black;">，</span><span style="color: black;">既<span style="color: black;">能够</span>节省<span style="color: black;">教育</span>时间</span><span style="color: black;">，</span><span style="color: black;">又<span style="color: black;">能够</span>节省<span style="color: black;">教育</span>成本</span><span style="color: black;">，</span><span style="color: black;">达到<span style="color: black;">教育</span>效果的最优化</span><span style="color: black;">。</span></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;">基于<span style="color: black;">这般</span>的谋划，便将《雨的四季》与<span style="color: black;">第1</span>单元的写作《热爱写作，学会观察》进行整合，确定的授课主题为《眼里有光，心中有爱》。</span></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;">“</span><span style="color: black;">眼里有光”着眼观察生活</span><span style="color: black;">，</span><span style="color: black;">“</span><span style="color: black;">心中有爱”<span style="color: black;">表现</span>热爱生活</span><span style="color: black;">，</span><span style="color: black;">拟定的授课主题要将写作训练与文本<span style="color: black;">诠释</span>的<span style="color: black;">关联</span>元素进行融合</span><span style="color: black;">。</span></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">围绕“眼里有光，心中有爱”的主题，将《雨的四季》的授课<span style="color: black;">目的</span>定为：</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;">1</span><span style="color: black;">.</span><span style="color: black;">学习刘湛秋用多种感官进行观察的<span style="color: black;">办法</span>，领略雨的四季之美</span><span style="color: black;">。</span></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;">2</span><span style="color: black;">.</span><span style="color: black;">融入你我，体会抽象<span style="color: black;">评估</span>、主观抒情的升华妙处，感受作者的真挚情怀。</span></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;">本堂课的<span style="color: black;">教育</span>路径为</span><span style="color: black;">：</span><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;">眼睛之光</span><span style="color: black;">（</span><span style="color: black;">观察</span><span style="color: black;">）——</span><span style="color: black;">心灵之美</span><span style="color: black;">（</span><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;">发掘</span></span><span style="color: black;">）——</span><span style="color: black;">生活之爱</span><span style="color: black;">（</span><span style="color: black;">表达</span><span style="color: black;">）。</span></span><span style="color: black;">这条<span style="color: black;">教育</span>路径遵循由浅入深</span><span style="color: black;">，</span><span style="color: black;">循序渐进的原则</span><span style="color: black;">，</span><span style="color: black;">三个动词支撑着整堂课的重心</span><span style="color: black;">。</span></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;"><strong style="color: blue;">【课堂实录】</strong></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><img src="https://mmbiz.qpic.cn/mmbiz_png/NhhjibLrq6Q0I4sAIzDTKR2WQdpTPpv6p1c7aoSykRIERmwFLXNsfdOqyy5h0PC4ic4xjlK1pvNial8wJjb81vibIQ/640?wx_fmt=png&from=appmsg&wxfrom=5&wx_lazy=1&wx_co=1&tp=webp" style="width: 50%; margin-bottom: 20px;"></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><img src="https://mmbiz.qpic.cn/mmbiz_png/NhhjibLrq6Q0I4sAIzDTKR2WQdpTPpv6pv8Dhj0Y9zAZdk8mXoDePDzBaqSxicce2FltpbHr15lIQwgxbehCgibZg/640?wx_fmt=png&from=appmsg&wxfrom=5&wx_lazy=1&wx_co=1&tp=webp" style="width: 50%; margin-bottom: 20px;"></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><strong style="color: blue;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;">第1</span>部分 导入新课</span></strong></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师</span><span style="color: black;">：前两天<span style="color: black;">咱们</span>与<span style="color: black;">大众</span><span style="color: black;">一块</span>在朱自清的《春》和老舍的《济南的冬天》里流连忘返，今天<span style="color: black;">咱们</span>将跟随当代作家刘湛秋倾听《雨的四季》。这一节课，司老师将与你们从写作的<span style="color: black;">方向</span>去挖掘《雨的四季》的特点，把《雨的四季》当作写作型文本来学习，<span style="color: black;">期盼</span><span style="color: black;">经过</span>本节课的学习，能让<span style="color: black;">大众</span>热爱生活，热爱写作。<span style="color: black;">朋友</span>们把题目读出。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">（生读）</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;">（教后反思：</span><span style="color: black;">与旧知链接</span><span style="color: black;">，</span><span style="color: black;">实现迁移</span><span style="color: black;">，</span><span style="color: black;">并且在课堂<span style="color: black;">初始</span></span><span style="color: black;">，</span><span style="color: black;">就将课堂核心<span style="color: black;">通知</span>学生</span><span style="color: black;">，</span><span style="color: black;">实现<span style="color: black;">认识</span>聚焦</span><span style="color: black;">。</span><span style="color: black;">）</span></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><strong style="color: blue;"><span style="color: black;">第二部分 眼睛之光——观察</span></strong></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：<span style="color: black;">咱们</span>向刘湛秋学什么样的写作本领？假如<span style="color: black;">咱们</span>描写景物，<span style="color: black;">大众</span>想想，<span style="color: black;">咱们</span><span style="color: black;">第1</span>步应该做什么呢？</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：观察。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：<span style="color: black;">亦</span><span style="color: black;">便是</span>说要眼里有光，学会观察。在刘湛秋的眼睛里，四季的雨是什么样子的？请<span style="color: black;">朋友</span>们来思考。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">屏显：</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;">经过</span>刘湛秋的眼睛，他观察到的雨的四季是什么样子的？请用比喻句来描摹。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">参考格式为“春雨像——，它——”，<span style="color: black;">需求</span>说话连贯、通畅、悠长。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：我的<span style="color: black;">需求</span>是<span style="color: black;">朋友</span>们说话时要做到连贯、通畅、悠长。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">（生寻读思考）</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：春雨像少女的眼泪，她<span style="color: black;">非常</span>娇媚。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：“娇媚”一词用得好，继续来看夏雨。夏雨像什么呢？</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：夏雨热烈而粗犷。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：刘湛秋<span style="color: black;">无</span>比喻来形容，你<span style="color: black;">来讲</span>说它像什么？</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：夏雨像热情的鼓点，像热情的土著人。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：比喻得很形象。这<span style="color: black;">便是</span>刘湛秋眼中的夏天。那刘湛秋眼中的秋像什么呢？</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：在刘湛秋眼中，秋天的雨端庄而沉静，像出嫁生了<span style="color: black;">孩儿</span>的妇人。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：刘湛秋眼中的冬呢？</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：在刘湛秋的眼睛里，冬天的雨像精灵，像公主。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：请<span style="color: black;">朋友</span>们在书中相应的位置划出来。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：刚才<span style="color: black;">咱们</span>所讲的是刘湛秋眼睛观察到的四季的特点，除了用眼睛观察之外，他还调动什么感官在观察？来朗读下面的两段文字。蔡卓渊来朗读。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">屏显：</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">水珠子从花苞里滴下来，比少女的眼泪还娇媚。半空中似乎总挂着透明的水雾的丝帘，牵动着阳光的彩棱镜。<span style="color: black;">此时</span>，<span style="color: black;">全部</span>大地都是<span style="color: black;">漂亮</span>的。小草似乎像复苏的蚯蚓<span style="color: black;">同样</span>翻动，发出一种春天<span style="color: black;">才可</span>听到的沙沙声。<span style="color: black;">呼气</span>变得畅快，空气里像<span style="color: black;">有没有</span>数芳甜的果子，在<span style="color: black;">引诱</span>着鼻子和嘴唇。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：这是<span style="color: black;">第1</span>段，<span style="color: black;">咱们</span>再来读一下第二段。陈昂斐你来读。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">屏显：</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">打伞、戴斗笠固然能保持身上的干爽，可光头浇、洗个雨澡更有滋味，只是淋湿的头发、额头、睫毛滴着水，挡着眼睛的视线，耳朵<span style="color: black;">亦</span>有些痒嗦嗦的。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：看这两段文字，除了调动视觉以外，他还在调动身体的<span style="color: black;">那些</span>什么感官？</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：听觉。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：哪里看出是听觉？</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：“小草似乎像复苏的蚯蚓<span style="color: black;">同样</span>翻动，发出一种春天<span style="color: black;">才可</span>听到的沙沙声。”还有嗅觉。“<span style="color: black;">呼气</span>变得畅快，空气里像<span style="color: black;">有没有</span>数芳甜的果子，在<span style="color: black;">引诱</span>着鼻子和嘴唇。”</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：还有什么感官？</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：还有触觉。“只是淋湿的头发、额头、睫毛滴着水，挡着眼睛的视线，耳朵<span style="color: black;">亦</span>有些痒嗦嗦的。”</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：在描写景物时，<span style="color: black;">咱们</span><span style="color: black;">能够</span>运用多种感官，鼻子闻到的是嗅觉，耳朵听到的是听觉，皮肤感觉到的是触觉。<span style="color: black;">不仅</span>调动眼睛去观察，还要调动身体的<span style="color: black;">每一个</span>感官去观察。<span style="color: black;">咱们</span>来看你们的作文范例。在你们的笔下，雨是什么样子的？</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">屏显：</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">秋雨<span style="color: black;">常常</span>是飘落着的，细细的，密密的。风夹杂着雨，雨跟随着风。雨轻轻地洗刷着大地上的一切，地面被洗得油亮，树叶上<span style="color: black;">持续</span>地渗出颗粒饱满的雨滴。到了<span style="color: black;">傍晚</span>时，风和雨都放慢了节奏。太阳又从云层里跑出来，将她的余辉送给大地。黄叶在柔和的阳光的映射下，透露出淡淡的微红，就像害羞的少女那<span style="color: black;">漂亮</span>的脸颊。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：陆禹佐你来读。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">（生读） </span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：读得很清楚。“余晖”<span style="color: black;">重视</span>，写错了，应该是日字旁的“晖”。这篇<span style="color: black;">文案</span>的优点是什么呢？</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：把秋雨描写得很细，“太阳”“雨”和“风”写得很细腻。还运用了比喻和拟人的写法来写，尤其是最后一句“黄叶在柔和的阳光的映射下，透露出淡淡的微光，就像害羞的少女那<span style="color: black;">漂亮</span>的脸颊”写得很好。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：还有吗？</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：他是从客观的<span style="color: black;">方向</span>来写的，<span style="color: black;">经过</span>描写客观的景物来写雨。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：这篇我来读，他写得有点<span style="color: black;">高挑</span>上。（师读）</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">屏显：</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">“高楼目尽欲<span style="color: black;">傍晚</span>，梧桐夜上萧萧雨。”秋日的雨，<span style="color: black;">区别</span>别季的雨。春日的雨，细密绵长滋润万物；夏日的雨，热烈粗犷清凉解暑；冬日的雨，<span style="color: black;">打扮</span>成雪莅临人间。而秋日的雨，端庄沉静，使人静谧，使人怀想，使人动情！秋日的雨高邈而深远，令人神往！</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：先来<span style="color: black;">评估</span>他的优点，别忙着挑刺儿。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：他运用排比句，引用诗句，还把秋天的雨和春、夏、冬的做对比。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：杨森斐、夏钰博都写到了雨，你最<span style="color: black;">爱好</span>谁笔下的雨？<span style="color: black;">为何</span>？先不和刘湛秋的比。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：杨森斐的写得比较好，它把秋雨的细密的感觉写了出来，还运用了<span style="color: black;">海量</span>比喻和拟人的修辞手法，很形象生动，很细腻。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：<span style="color: black;">有没有</span>其他<span style="color: black;">意见</span>？</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">（生沉默）</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：还<span style="color: black;">能够</span>从调动感官的<span style="color: black;">方向</span>来写，杨森斐只写了一种感官。在写到雨的时候只<span style="color: black;">经过</span>视觉来写，还可调动多种感官。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：对啊，这个<span style="color: black;">意见</span>很重要。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：第二篇<span style="color: black;">特别有</span>诗意，引用了诗句和成语，运用了四个字的词语，很整齐。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：不仅用排比句写了<span style="color: black;">每一个</span>季节的特点，<span style="color: black;">况且</span>又运用对比<span style="color: black;">明显</span>了秋雨，书面感<span style="color: black;">尤其</span>强，读起来朗朗上口，<span style="color: black;">尤其</span>舒服，词语运用<span style="color: black;">尤其</span>高级。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：你对他的<span style="color: black;">评估</span><span style="color: black;">尤其</span>高，<span style="color: black;">有没有</span><span style="color: black;">意见</span>给他？</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：他自己描写秋雨的太少，多描写秋雨的景色，而不是写其他。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：<span style="color: black;">亦</span><span style="color: black;">便是</span>说他描写得<span style="color: black;">不足</span>细腻，喧宾夺主，有笼统感。<span style="color: black;">咱们</span>在写景的时候，要做到描写细腻，不要笼统表述，要写自己的真切感受。<span style="color: black;">然则</span>夏钰博写得很用心，他把读过的诗句用到<span style="color: black;">文案</span>里，<span style="color: black;">这般</span>的<span style="color: black;">认识</span>值得提倡。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：<span style="color: black;">那样</span>，<span style="color: black;">咱们</span>向刘湛秋学习什么呢？</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：学习刘湛秋运用<span style="color: black;">各样</span>感官来描写，学习刘湛秋丰富的想象力。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：学习刘湛秋<span style="color: black;">各样</span>感官都张开，<span style="color: black;">各样</span>想象在飞扬，一旦感官张开，就会与想象结合起来。做到这点，<span style="color: black;">咱们</span>的文字<span style="color: black;">便是</span>灵动而活泼的。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">（教后反思：把学生的写作范本<span style="color: black;">做为</span>素材<span style="color: black;">移植</span>课堂，点评借鉴，既有进入情境的既视感，又能调动全员参与的积极性，鼓励学生主动思考、主动表达。）</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><strong style="color: blue;"><span style="color: black;">第三部分</span><span style="color: black;">心灵之美</span><span style="color: black;">——<span style="color: black;">发掘</span></span></strong></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：<span style="color: black;">咱们</span>来继续，还有一种要素不可或缺，要将感官带上<span style="color: black;">咱们</span>的思想，<span style="color: black;">亦</span><span style="color: black;">便是</span>说，<span style="color: black;">咱们</span>的文字还要有心灵之美。对这个世界，要有心灵的感受，心灵的<span style="color: black;">发掘</span>。那<span style="color: black;">咱们</span>来看，刘湛秋不仅在用感官观察，<span style="color: black;">亦</span>在用他的心灵体验着雨的世界，用他的感受体验着雨的抽象之美。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：“抽象”一词难理解，我需要一个<span style="color: black;">朋友</span>做自我牺牲，让我来描述他。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">（生走上讲台）</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：<span style="color: black;">大众</span>别笑，陆禹佐<span style="color: black;">已然</span>具备极强的自我牺牲精神，<span style="color: black;">咱们</span>应该感谢他。听我说，陆禹佐的脑袋像什么？</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：黄瓜。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">（众笑）</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：“像黄瓜”是<span style="color: black;">详细</span>还是抽象的？</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：<span style="color: black;">详细</span>的。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;">师：“陆禹佐的脑袋像黄瓜，<span style="color: black;">然则</span>看见他，就觉得他很机灵</span><span style="color: black;">。</span><span style="color: black;">”这句话中，哪个词语是抽象的？</span></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：机灵。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：“机灵”这个词<span style="color: black;">便是</span>对陆禹佐的什么？</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：<span style="color: black;">褒扬</span>！</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：<span style="color: black;">评估</span>。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：回到《雨的四季》，<span style="color: black;">咱们</span>来寻找刘湛秋对雨的<span style="color: black;">评估</span>，我提示<span style="color: black;">大众</span>，<span style="color: black;">评估</span><span style="color: black;">常常</span>与感受相连，请<span style="color: black;">朋友</span>们寻找刘湛秋对春雨的<span style="color: black;">评估</span>，找到举手。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：“真的，<span style="color: black;">仅有</span>这一场雨，才完全驱走了冬天，才使世界改变了姿容。”</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：找得非常准确，尤其是哪个短语找得好？</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：“改变了姿容。”</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：旁边批注抽象之美。懂了吗？这<span style="color: black;">便是</span>抽象，这<span style="color: black;">便是</span><span style="color: black;">评估</span>。再找找看，夏日的雨有<span style="color: black;">无</span>？</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：“而夏天，就<span style="color: black;">更加是</span>别有一番风情了。”这句话是作者对夏雨的抽象感受。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：找得<span style="color: black;">精细</span>。秋雨有<span style="color: black;">无</span>？</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：“雨，似乎<span style="color: black;">亦</span>像出嫁生了<span style="color: black;">孩儿</span>的妇人，<span style="color: black;">显出</span>端庄而又沉静了。”</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：<span style="color: black;">针对</span>秋雨，作者<span style="color: black;">有没有</span>更深层的的感受？</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：有。“你只会感到更高邈、深远，并让凄冷的雨滴，去纯净你的灵魂，<span style="color: black;">况且</span><span style="color: black;">必定</span>会遥望到一场秋雨后将<span style="color: black;">显现</span>的一个更净美、开阔的大地。”</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：非常好！这<span style="color: black;">便是</span>对秋雨进一步的感知，作者的用词又深入一层。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：冬天的雨呢？<span style="color: black;">有没有</span>抽象的<span style="color: black;">评估</span>？</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：它显出一种自然平静。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：还<span style="color: black;">有没有</span>其他的句子了？</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;">生：</span><span style="color: black;">这雨的精灵</span><span style="color: black;">，</span><span style="color: black;">雨的公主</span><span style="color: black;">，</span><span style="color: black;">给南国城市和田野带来<span style="color: black;">反常</span>的蜜情</span><span style="color: black;">，</span><span style="color: black;">是它送给人们一年中最后的一份礼物</span><span style="color: black;">。</span></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：每一段的最后一句话是对雨的最抽象、最深刻的<span style="color: black;">评估</span>。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">屏显：</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">啊，我爱恋的雨啊，你一年四季常在我的眼前流动，你给我的感情带来滋润，你给我的想带来流动。<span style="color: black;">仅有</span>在雨中，我才真正感到这世界是活的，是有<span style="color: black;">欢快</span>和泪水的。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：谁<span style="color: black;">来讲</span>说，这段话有什么特点？这段话在干什么呢？</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：抒情。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：“我爱恋的雨呀！”强调读出“我”，这是从哪个<span style="color: black;">方向</span>来写？</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：这是从主观<span style="color: black;">方向</span>来写对雨的感受，直接来写，很鲜明。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：<span style="color: black;">这儿</span>有你有我，把客观景物融入主观情感，让文字多了一层打动人心的力量。<span style="color: black;">因此</span><span style="color: black;">这儿</span>多了什么词？</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：多了“我”，多了“你”，多了人<span style="color: black;">叫作</span>代词，多了感叹词。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：老师把<span style="color: black;">这般</span>的写法提炼了一下，叫什么呢？融入你我。<span style="color: black;">咱们</span>继续来看两篇<span style="color: black;">朋友</span>的作文。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">（范文略）</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：徐铭泽、田昊登这两篇<span style="color: black;">文案</span>，你最欣赏谁的？你<span style="color: black;">能够</span>学习<span style="color: black;">她们</span>的<span style="color: black;">那些</span>写作优点？</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：我最欣赏田昊登的，<span style="color: black;">由于</span>田昊登在运用的时候运用了两句古诗，<span style="color: black;">特别有</span>诗意，值得我学习。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：他进行了细节描写，运用了比喻、拟人等多种修辞。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：学习他虚实结合，从多个<span style="color: black;">方向</span>来描写。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;">师：</span><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;">咱们</span><span style="color: black;">能够</span>向</span><span style="color: black;">徐铭泽学习什么？</span></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：学习他的主观描写，有自我的感受在里面，表达更深切，<span style="color: black;">更易</span>打动人。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：那<span style="color: black;">咱们</span><span style="color: black;">能够</span>把两个人的结合起来，刘湛秋<span style="color: black;">便是</span>将客观描写与主观描写结合起来。田昊登的作文真的做到了眼里有光，心中有爱，只是，在写景的时候<span style="color: black;">能够</span>把“我”表达出来，写作文时，要有“我”的存在，不要把“我”隐在文字<span style="color: black;">背面</span>。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;">（</span><span style="color: black;">教后反思</span><span style="color: black;">：</span><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;">文案</span>需要思想的依托</span><span style="color: black;">，</span><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;">怎样</span>将这份依托传递给学生</span><span style="color: black;">，</span><span style="color: black;">要将<span style="color: black;">文案</span>的表达一一细化</span><span style="color: black;">，</span><span style="color: black;">在细化的分析里<span style="color: black;">提高</span>学生对文字的<span style="color: black;">敏锐</span>度</span><span style="color: black;">，</span><span style="color: black;">并<span style="color: black;">奋斗</span>内化于心</span><span style="color: black;">。）</span></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">第四部分 生活之爱——表达</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;">师：无论是眼里有光，</span><span style="color: black;">还</span><span style="color: black;">是心中有爱，归根到底</span><span style="color: black;">都</span><span style="color: black;">要从生活中去<span style="color: black;">发掘</span>，</span><span style="color: black;">去体悟</span><span style="color: black;">，</span><span style="color: black;">去</span><span style="color: black;">热爱</span><span style="color: black;">，</span><span style="color: black;">去充满激情的书写</span><span style="color: black;">。</span></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;">师：朱自清的《春》</span><span style="color: black;">、</span><span style="color: black;">老舍的《济南的冬天》</span><span style="color: black;">、</span><span style="color: black;">刘湛秋的《雨的四季》，<span style="color: black;">她们</span>对生活、对自然都有一个<span style="color: black;">一起</span>的名字，你认为是什么？</span></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：热爱！</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：<span style="color: black;">咱们</span>来看宫崎骏的一个动画片。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">（视频播放）</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：看完宫崎骏《热爱生活》的动画片，你印象最深的是什么？</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：我看到印象最深的是好吃的，有<span style="color: black;">非常多</span>好吃的。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：我看到动画片里的妈妈会做<span style="color: black;">非常多</span>好吃的，绝对的热爱生活。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：像宫崎骏动画片那样，以热爱生活的名义来生活，<span style="color: black;">咱们</span>热爱生活的什么呢？请<span style="color: black;">朋友</span>们用<span style="color: black;">这般</span>的方式说话。互相说一说。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">屏显：</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">我热爱——</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">我热爱——</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：我热爱美食。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：<span style="color: black;">详细</span><span style="color: black;">来讲</span>，说<span style="color: black;">详细</span>的名字。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：我热爱牛排。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：我热爱所有好吃的。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：我热爱动画片。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：我热爱植物。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：植物太宽泛，<span style="color: black;">详细</span>说<span style="color: black;">同样</span>。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：我热爱多肉。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：我热爱弹琴。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：我热爱阅读。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：我热爱阅读名著。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：我热爱唱歌。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：我热爱书法。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：热爱谁的书法？</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：我热爱王羲之的书法。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">生：我热爱西塔路99号。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">（众笑）</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：你无比热爱<span style="color: black;">咱们</span>学校啊！</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：这所有的我的热爱，老师给<span style="color: black;">大众</span>做了总结，男女生对读。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">（生读）</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：当<span style="color: black;">咱们</span>学会热爱生活中的点点滴滴，<span style="color: black;">咱们</span>爱得越细，你的心思越细腻，你的心灵越丰富，你对世界的感知就越深刻。<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;">因此</span>，热爱生活的你，<span style="color: black;">能够</span>活得像苏轼，这是司老师说的；热爱写作的你，<span style="color: black;">能够</span>活得像皇帝。</span>这是我的师父王君老师说的。把这两句话写下来。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">（生写）</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师：当<span style="color: black;">咱们</span>以热爱的名义生活，热爱的名义写作时，用手中的笔表达心中所想时，<span style="color: black;">咱们</span>对世界的认识就会越来越独特，<span style="color: black;">咱们</span>的人生就有了立德、立行、立言的悠长。请<span style="color: black;">朋友</span>们做一个眼里有光、心中有爱之人！</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">（</span><span style="color: black;">教后反思</span><span style="color: black;">：《</span><span style="color: black;">义务教育语文课程标准</span><span style="color: black;">（2022年版）》</span><span style="color: black;">指出</span><span style="color: black;">，</span><span style="color: black;">积极利用网络资源平台拓展学习空间</span><span style="color: black;">，</span><span style="color: black;">丰富学习资源</span><span style="color: black;">，</span><span style="color: black;">整合多种媒介的学习内容</span><span style="color: black;">。</span><span style="color: black;">延展课堂</span><span style="color: black;">，</span><span style="color: black;">拓宽格局</span><span style="color: black;">，</span><span style="color: black;">应<span style="color: black;">作为</span>一种自觉追求</span><span style="color: black;">。</span><span style="color: black;">引入宫崎骏的动画</span><span style="color: black;">，</span><span style="color: black;">从形式到内容</span><span style="color: black;">，</span><span style="color: black;">易于激发学生的兴趣与热情</span><span style="color: black;">。）</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;">第五部分</span><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;">部署</span>作业</span></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;">屏显</span><span style="color: black;">：</span></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;">请你以一种愉悦的心情，</span><span style="color: black;">运用比喻</span><span style="color: black;">、</span><span style="color: black;">拟人<span style="color: black;">或</span>多种感官相结合的<span style="color: black;">办法</span></span><span style="color: black;">，</span><span style="color: black;">最好能够形象与抽象相结合</span><span style="color: black;">，描写你心中</span><span style="color: black;">四季之</span><span style="color: black;">景，春夏秋冬均可，景物对象不限。</span></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;">要求</span><span style="color: black;">：</span></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;">1</span><span style="color: black;">.</span><span style="color: black;">写出活泼之气；</span></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;">2</span><span style="color: black;">.</span><span style="color: black;">字数500字<span style="color: black;">上下</span>；</span></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;">3</span><span style="color: black;">.</span><span style="color: black;">写在</span><span style="color: black;">统一的</span><span style="color: black;">绿色作文本上。</span></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><img src="data:image/svg+xml,%3C%3Fxml version=1.0 encoding=UTF-8%3F%3E%3Csvg width=1px height=1px viewBox=0 0 1 1 version=1.1 xmlns=http://www.w3.org/2000/svg xmlns:xlink=http://www.w3.org/1999/xlink%3E%3Ctitle%3E%3C/title%3E%3Cg stroke=none stroke-width=1 fill=none fill-rule=evenodd fill-opacity=0%3E%3Cg transform=translate(-249.000000, -126.000000) fill=%23FFFFFF%3E%3Crect x=249 y=126 width=1 height=1%3E%3C/rect%3E%3C/g%3E%3C/g%3E%3C/svg%3E" style="width: 50%; margin-bottom: 20px;"></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">【学生佳作】</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><img src="data:image/svg+xml,%3C%3Fxml version=1.0 encoding=UTF-8%3F%3E%3Csvg width=1px height=1px viewBox=0 0 1 1 version=1.1 xmlns=http://www.w3.org/2000/svg xmlns:xlink=http://www.w3.org/1999/xlink%3E%3Ctitle%3E%3C/title%3E%3Cg stroke=none stroke-width=1 fill=none fill-rule=evenodd fill-opacity=0%3E%3Cg transform=translate(-249.000000, -126.000000) fill=%23FFFFFF%3E%3Crect x=249 y=126 width=1 height=1%3E%3C/rect%3E%3C/g%3E%3C/g%3E%3C/svg%3E" style="width: 50%; margin-bottom: 20px;"></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">夏</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">广东省东莞市松山湖清澜山学校晨曦班 葛小莉</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">从古<span style="color: black;">迄今</span>，历代文人爱歌颂桃红柳绿的春天，硕果累累的秋天，银装素裹的冬天。而我，却对夏天有着格外深厚的情。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">春天随着时间的脚步徐徐走远，夏，披着一身绿叶跳进了我的视线。一年四季，好似一曲咏叹调，春是前奏，夏是高潮，是奋起，是觉悟，是明朗，是憧憬，是<span style="color: black;">期盼</span>，是人间的四月天。她充满活力，散发出一种无穷的、蓬勃的生命力，无比绚烂。从花到枝，从气温到青春，全都“生如夏花”。夏天，像少年，像青年，激情澎湃，神采飞扬。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">夏雨是最不寻常的。谁<span style="color: black;">亦</span>不<span style="color: black;">晓得</span>它何时会下，调皮得像娃娃：气象局说今天暴雨，它星星几滴；气象局说今天小雨，它倾盆而作。它骤然而至，戛然而止，来得粗犷、豪迈。它不像春雨如丝，袅袅婷婷，不像秋雨缠绵乱人心扉。它不像冬雪凛冽，白茫一片。夏雨骤然打着地面，溅起水花，迷蒙一片。我<span style="color: black;">爱好</span>这种生命的拼搏与震撼。可当你有时清晨散步，薄雾笼着世间万物，它<span style="color: black;">亦</span>羞答答地洒落。哦，原来夏雨<span style="color: black;">亦</span>有可爱、天真的一面。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">夏天，<span style="color: black;">倘若</span>你在荷塘边漫步，便会看到宛如雨伞般的荷叶微微倾斜，倒出一颗颗晶莹剔透的露珠，旁边，粉荷垂露，盈盈而立。中间是鹅黄色的嫩蕊，花瓣儿，一瓣儿贴着一瓣儿。这是<span style="color: black;">已然</span>盛开的含苞欲绽的娇羞欲语；半开的似新人犹抱琵笆半遮面。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">搬把小椅子，轻倚在大树下，拿把摇扇，享受夏日的馈赠吧-----荔枝！我自幼在岭南<span style="color: black;">成长</span>，对荔枝再<span style="color: black;">熟练</span><span style="color: black;">不外</span>。外壳红艳艳的，还带点儿小刺。略大于桂圆，摘一个嗅一嗅，香气令人浮想联翩。将壳剥下，果肉<span style="color: black;">乃至</span>是透亮的。张嘴一咬，汁水四溢，一股甜蜜、凉爽、清香之感在嘴中油然而生。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">莎士比亚有部戏剧叫《仲夏夜之梦》。清风在耳畔喃喃低语，宣布夏夜的降临。天空中满是碎云，半圆的月亮时隐时现，似蓝色绸缎的夜空看上去<span style="color: black;">安静</span>、清雅。夏夜的星星是最具风采的，像一颗颗镶嵌在夜幕的宝石，浪漫、缥缈，充满幻想、富有诗情画意。</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">我爱这夏天……</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">师评：</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">读完小莉的这篇作文，就像在炎炎夏日吃到了<span style="color: black;">刚才</span>冷冻的西瓜，<span style="color: black;">全部</span>毛孔都舒爽无比。一气呵成，行云流水，有着挥毫泼墨般的潇洒，这<span style="color: black;">亦</span>是夏的姿态。作文里比喻、拟人贴切，多种感官相融，<span style="color: black;">况且</span>能恰如其分融入自己的<span style="color: black;">评估</span>，客观与主观相结合，感受真切，表达有力。<span style="color: black;">期盼</span>能保持夏天的奋进姿态！</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><img src="data:image/svg+xml,%3C%3Fxml version=1.0 encoding=UTF-8%3F%3E%3Csvg width=1px height=1px viewBox=0 0 1 1 version=1.1 xmlns=http://www.w3.org/2000/svg xmlns:xlink=http://www.w3.org/1999/xlink%3E%3Ctitle%3E%3C/title%3E%3Cg stroke=none stroke-width=1 fill=none fill-rule=evenodd fill-opacity=0%3E%3Cg transform=translate(-249.000000, -126.000000) fill=%23FFFFFF%3E%3Crect x=249 y=126 width=1 height=1%3E%3C/rect%3E%3C/g%3E%3C/g%3E%3C/svg%3E" style="width: 50%; margin-bottom: 20px;"></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><img src="data:image/svg+xml,%3C%3Fxml version=1.0 encoding=UTF-8%3F%3E%3Csvg width=1px height=1px viewBox=0 0 1 1 version=1.1 xmlns=http://www.w3.org/2000/svg xmlns:xlink=http://www.w3.org/1999/xlink%3E%3Ctitle%3E%3C/title%3E%3Cg stroke=none stroke-width=1 fill=none fill-rule=evenodd fill-opacity=0%3E%3Cg transform=translate(-249.000000, -126.000000) fill=%23FFFFFF%3E%3Crect x=249 y=126 width=1 height=1%3E%3C/rect%3E%3C/g%3E%3C/g%3E%3C/svg%3E" style="width: 50%; margin-bottom: 20px;"></p>
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<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><img src="data:image/svg+xml,%3C%3Fxml version=1.0 encoding=UTF-8%3F%3E%3Csvg width=1px height=1px viewBox=0 0 1 1 version=1.1 xmlns=http://www.w3.org/2000/svg xmlns:xlink=http://www.w3.org/1999/xlink%3E%3Ctitle%3E%3C/title%3E%3Cg stroke=none stroke-width=1 fill=none fill-rule=evenodd fill-opacity=0%3E%3Cg transform=translate(-249.000000, -126.000000) fill=%23FFFFFF%3E%3Crect x=249 y=126 width=1 height=1%3E%3C/rect%3E%3C/g%3E%3C/g%3E%3C/svg%3E" style="width: 50%; margin-bottom: 20px;"></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><img src="data:image/svg+xml,%3C%3Fxml version=1.0 encoding=UTF-8%3F%3E%3Csvg width=1px height=1px viewBox=0 0 1 1 version=1.1 xmlns=http://www.w3.org/2000/svg xmlns:xlink=http://www.w3.org/1999/xlink%3E%3Ctitle%3E%3C/title%3E%3Cg stroke=none stroke-width=1 fill=none fill-rule=evenodd fill-opacity=0%3E%3Cg transform=translate(-249.000000, -126.000000) fill=%23FFFFFF%3E%3Crect x=249 y=126 width=1 height=1%3E%3C/rect%3E%3C/g%3E%3C/g%3E%3C/svg%3E" style="width: 50%; margin-bottom: 20px;"></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><img src="data:image/svg+xml,%3C%3Fxml version=1.0 encoding=UTF-8%3F%3E%3Csvg width=1px height=1px viewBox=0 0 1 1 version=1.1 xmlns=http://www.w3.org/2000/svg xmlns:xlink=http://www.w3.org/1999/xlink%3E%3Ctitle%3E%3C/title%3E%3Cg stroke=none stroke-width=1 fill=none fill-rule=evenodd fill-opacity=0%3E%3Cg transform=translate(-249.000000, -126.000000) fill=%23FFFFFF%3E%3Crect x=249 y=126 width=1 height=1%3E%3C/rect%3E%3C/g%3E%3C/g%3E%3C/svg%3E" style="width: 50%; margin-bottom: 20px;"></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><img src="data:image/svg+xml,%3C%3Fxml version=1.0 encoding=UTF-8%3F%3E%3Csvg width=1px height=1px viewBox=0 0 1 1 version=1.1 xmlns=http://www.w3.org/2000/svg xmlns:xlink=http://www.w3.org/1999/xlink%3E%3Ctitle%3E%3C/title%3E%3Cg stroke=none stroke-width=1 fill=none fill-rule=evenodd fill-opacity=0%3E%3Cg transform=translate(-249.000000, -126.000000) fill=%23FFFFFF%3E%3Crect x=249 y=126 width=1 height=1%3E%3C/rect%3E%3C/g%3E%3C/g%3E%3C/svg%3E" style="width: 50%; margin-bottom: 20px;"></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;"><strong style="color: blue;">郑重声明</strong></span></p><span style="color: black;">本期内容为“语文湿地”（<span style="color: black;">微X</span>公众号：yuwenshidi。以下简<span style="color: black;">叫作</span>“湿地”）原创首发内容，任何<span style="color: black;">微X</span>公众平台进行转载、复制、摘编前，必须得到“湿地”及原创作者的<span style="color: black;">一起</span>授权许可；未经“湿地”和原创作者<span style="color: black;">自己</span>的<span style="color: black;">一起</span>授权许可，禁止以任何名义进行转载、复制、摘编等任何形式的<span style="color: black;">运用</span>。一经<span style="color: black;">发掘</span>，<span style="color: black;">咱们</span>将<span style="color: black;">按照</span>《中华人民共和国著作权法》等<span style="color: black;">关联</span>法规的<span style="color: black;">关联</span>规定，追究其侵权<span style="color: black;">行径</span>。</span><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;">尤其<span style="color: black;">剧烈</span>谴责以<strong style="color: blue;">学科网</strong>、<strong style="color: blue;">百度文库</strong>、<strong style="color: blue;">豆丁网</strong>等为首的明目张胆的盗版<span style="color: black;">行径</span>！</span></span>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><img src="data:image/svg+xml,%3C%3Fxml version=1.0 encoding=UTF-8%3F%3E%3Csvg width=1px height=1px viewBox=0 0 1 1 version=1.1 xmlns=http://www.w3.org/2000/svg xmlns:xlink=http://www.w3.org/1999/xlink%3E%3Ctitle%3E%3C/title%3E%3Cg stroke=none stroke-width=1 fill=none fill-rule=evenodd fill-opacity=0%3E%3Cg transform=translate(-249.000000, -126.000000) fill=%23FFFFFF%3E%3Crect x=249 y=126 width=1 height=1%3E%3C/rect%3E%3C/g%3E%3C/g%3E%3C/svg%3E" style="width: 50%; margin-bottom: 20px;"></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><img src="data:image/svg+xml,%3C%3Fxml version=1.0 encoding=UTF-8%3F%3E%3Csvg width=1px height=1px viewBox=0 0 1 1 version=1.1 xmlns=http://www.w3.org/2000/svg xmlns:xlink=http://www.w3.org/1999/xlink%3E%3Ctitle%3E%3C/title%3E%3Cg stroke=none stroke-width=1 fill=none fill-rule=evenodd fill-opacity=0%3E%3Cg transform=translate(-249.000000, -126.000000) fill=%23FFFFFF%3E%3Crect x=249 y=126 width=1 height=1%3E%3C/rect%3E%3C/g%3E%3C/g%3E%3C/svg%3E" style="width: 50%; margin-bottom: 20px;"><img src="data:image/svg+xml,%3C%3Fxml version=1.0 encoding=UTF-8%3F%3E%3Csvg width=1px height=1px viewBox=0 0 1 1 version=1.1 xmlns=http://www.w3.org/2000/svg xmlns:xlink=http://www.w3.org/1999/xlink%3E%3Ctitle%3E%3C/title%3E%3Cg stroke=none stroke-width=1 fill=none fill-rule=evenodd fill-opacity=0%3E%3Cg transform=translate(-249.000000, -126.000000) fill=%23FFFFFF%3E%3Crect x=249 y=126 width=1 height=1%3E%3C/rect%3E%3C/g%3E%3C/g%3E%3C/svg%3E" style="width: 50%; margin-bottom: 20px;"></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><img src="data:image/svg+xml,%3C%3Fxml version=1.0 encoding=UTF-8%3F%3E%3Csvg width=1px height=1px viewBox=0 0 1 1 version=1.1 xmlns=http://www.w3.org/2000/svg xmlns:xlink=http://www.w3.org/1999/xlink%3E%3Ctitle%3E%3C/title%3E%3Cg stroke=none stroke-width=1 fill=none fill-rule=evenodd fill-opacity=0%3E%3Cg transform=translate(-249.000000, -126.000000) fill=%23FFFFFF%3E%3Crect x=249 y=126 width=1 height=1%3E%3C/rect%3E%3C/g%3E%3C/g%3E%3C/svg%3E" style="width: 50%; margin-bottom: 20px;"></p>
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><img src="data:image/svg+xml,%3C%3Fxml version=1.0 encoding=UTF-8%3F%3E%3Csvg width=1px height=1px viewBox=0 0 1 1 version=1.1 xmlns=http://www.w3.org/2000/svg xmlns:xlink=http://www.w3.org/1999/xlink%3E%3Ctitle%3E%3C/title%3E%3Cg stroke=none stroke-width=1 fill=none fill-rule=evenodd fill-opacity=0%3E%3Cg transform=translate(-249.000000, -126.000000) fill=%23FFFFFF%3E%3Crect x=249 y=126 width=1 height=1%3E%3C/rect%3E%3C/g%3E%3C/g%3E%3C/svg%3E" style="width: 50%; margin-bottom: 20px;"></p><img src="data:image/svg+xml,%3C%3Fxml version=1.0 encoding=UTF-8%3F%3E%3Csvg width=1px height=1px viewBox=0 0 1 1 version=1.1 xmlns=http://www.w3.org/2000/svg xmlns:xlink=http://www.w3.org/1999/xlink%3E%3Ctitle%3E%3C/title%3E%3Cg stroke=none stroke-width=1 fill=none fill-rule=evenodd fill-opacity=0%3E%3Cg transform=translate(-249.000000, -126.000000) fill=%23FFFFFF%3E%3Crect x=249 y=126 width=1 height=1%3E%3C/rect%3E%3C/g%3E%3C/g%3E%3C/svg%3E" style="width: 50%; margin-bottom: 20px;">
<p style="font-size: 16px; color: black; line-height: 40px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 15px;"><span style="color: black;">感谢阅读，点个“在看”再走吧</span><span style="color: black;"><strong style="color: blue;">~~~</strong></span></p><img src="data:image/svg+xml,%3C%3Fxml version=1.0 encoding=UTF-8%3F%3E%3Csvg width=1px height=1px viewBox=0 0 1 1 version=1.1 xmlns=http://www.w3.org/2000/svg xmlns:xlink=http://www.w3.org/1999/xlink%3E%3Ctitle%3E%3C/title%3E%3Cg stroke=none stroke-width=1 fill=none fill-rule=evenodd fill-opacity=0%3E%3Cg transform=translate(-249.000000, -126.000000) fill=%23FFFFFF%3E%3Crect x=249 y=126 width=1 height=1%3E%3C/rect%3E%3C/g%3E%3C/g%3E%3C/svg%3E" style="width: 50%; margin-bottom: 20px;">
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